This is a text filled post, but I think it's worth taking the time to read.
I cannot say enough wonderful things about the blogging community I have grown to love.
I have met hundreds of amazing ladies and some truly amazing friends.
Everyone starts their blog from nothing.
It becomes such a blessing to you personally as your blog begins to grow, you meet other girls with similar thoughts and opinions and you begin to connect.
I have bloggy friends who will say, "It's so amazing that you've grown so fast! I wish that would happen for me."
And while I am grateful for every single woman who reads my blog, I usually respond with,
"But with growth comes a lot of different things...some of them really not so great."
One of these "not so great" things would be a greater exposure to negativity.
I have no tolerance for girls who go around "tweeting", writing blog posts cutting down other women and anonymous hurtful post comments. A lot of times I think they believe these things are excusable since they don't directly call out the people they are talking about.
If you've ever seen one of these twitter cat fights, it can be pretty entertaining...until it happens to you.
If you've never had a rude comment on a blog post, a hurtful email sent to you or a biting tweet directed at you, count your blessings.
If you have, you know what I'm talking about. You want to just lash back and say "Hey, that was really ugly of you." or " I KNOW you're talking about me."
This is bullying.
Being a coward and not going to talk to that girl you have an issue with one on one.
Blasting it out on Twitter so your blogging clique will make you feel better by tweeting back "lol" or "you go girl".
What is the root of all this ugliness 90% of the time?
Jealousy.
Let's be real girls. We are a mean breed.
How am I able to just call out this character flaw?
Because I just went through a terrible bout of this myself.
I have a dear blog friend. We used to talk ALL the time. We'd laugh, we'd help each other out, we'd share our 'secrets'. Then this friend's blog started growing VERY fast. Before I knew it she was doing "better" than me. I couldn't understand why I was putting so much effort into my blog, but she was passing me by leaps and bounds.
We always say that "follower numbers don't matter", but I know at one point a similar thing like above has gotten under your skin.
Throughout my friend's whole "growth period" she never changed how she treated me. She would still tweet me, message me and so on. The problem was with my heart. I found myself not wanting to tweet her back, not sharing cool blogging opportunities I found, and just distancing myself from her.
I was seriously convicted about this last week. I started a new Beth Moore study called Living Beyond Yourself. I highly recommend it.
I began realizing that I was the one with the problem and it was rooting from my jealousy of my friend's success. I asked God for forgiveness and promised myself I would not let myself be this way to my friend any longer - or any other girls in the future.
We are not in competition with each other!
The majority of women I know in the blogging world WANT to help each other - WANT to make close friends.
It doesn't mean that when you are on the bad end of negativity that it doesn't hurt.
I get accused of a lot of mean things because my blog has gotten so big.
I always stress that my biggest goal is to meet wonderful friends and help other bloggers in any way I can.
I can actually 100% guarantee that if you have ever personally emailed me, asking for a response, I have ALWAYS gotten back to you. I never just trash emails or don't take the time to respond.
These have been questions about the Army, growing your blog, being a wife, or just asking if I want to Skype. I always respond.
Now if I go back and look at all the negativity I've experienced one common thing holds true -
it always comes from a source that is either someone I don't really know or someone who has personally never given me the respect to come and approach me one on one.
She was sharing with me on how she has dealt with ladies being rude to her and negative or hurtful comments or emails.
One line really stuck with me,
"I will allow it to upset me if they meet me in person and still don't care for me and are willing to bash me publicly..."
It's easy for us to be mean to each other when we are sitting behind a computer or iPhone screen...
The point of the post is this:
Stop hating on each other ladies!
Stop being jealous or rude or ugly.
If you really don't like a blogger then don't follow them!
The great thing about blogging is that it gives you the opportunity to write about or do WHATEVER you want.
If you want to talk about Honey Boo Boo - go ahead.
If you want to post 1,000 giveaways - be my guest, I can always use some free stuff!
If you want to show off all your Pinterest fails - amen sister! I can relate...
It's your blog, it's your choice..
And for girls who follow me -
If you ever need anything: advice, to chat, to tell me something that I did that you really didn't like....
Please email me. I promise to get back to you.
All I ask is that you give me (and any other bloggers) the respect to have the opportunity to respond before you go and hurt someone behind their backs.
"Change can change your life. You'll never know unless you embrace it." Check out more from my biffle's life:
Jealousy has ruined many friendships in my life, and although I can't say I've never been jealous of anyone, it wasn't me that ended these friendships. I love this post, and I agree 100% with everything you said. I wholeheartedly believe we need to stop being negative towards one another and support each other. As women. As bloggers. As people.
I was just thinking about this very thing...this morning. I was thinking about all the wonderful blessings my blog has brought to me, but also some of the negatives, too. I started to get discouraged about blogging, thinking that it had made me more insecure or more likely to compare myself to others. Blogging hasn't done that to me. My attitude has, at times. I have never been directly hurtful to others, but negative thoughts have come and jealousy has filled my heart. Thanks for your honesty. I definitely needed to read this post.
Great post...I haven't dealt with negativity (thankfully) but I do understand jealousy and that can eat us up like a cancer...YUCK! I think anyone who reads here will see your heart (your true heart) and if they aren't willing to see that it does stem from jealousy. Praying you can let some of those things roll off your back and trust that you are doing what God has planned for you!!
While I haven't had to deal with it personally (in the blogging world at least), it makes me so upset to think of people acting like this. No matter how many nice things people say, it's the ones that sting that we remember most. How brave of you to admit the feelings of jealousy - that we ALL get - and make the decision to get rid of it. Kudos to you!
Jelousy is never a good thing! And we have all been there. I agree 100% with this post. And I do believe we all need to stop with the negativity and support each other. I mean after all.. Aren't we adults people? :) Love your Honesty! :) Have a good day!
Unfortunately, I've experienced some hateful comments too and it really sucks when it's your own family that's bullying you! Through it all, I learned not to respond to them because that is what they want. Rise above it and continue on with your life. The hurtful words can only hurt you if you allow them to. Don't let jealously stop you from doing what makes you happy.
Unfortunately jealousy is something that women and men have a lot of BUT people make a choice whether or not they will submit themselves to it! When it comes to blogging woman like you inspire me not only as a blogger but as a married Christian woman, we need these type of relationships and encouragement! I love your link-ups and the realness! People will be people and that's what I tell myself, you can't change a person you can only pray for them! <3
Love this post!! When I feel envy, I typically swallow it and feel like a failure. But this is wrong too! We should be happy for each other and support one another, without comparing ourselves! P.S.: I'm a big Beth Moore fan too!!
Here's to hoping that that person finds it in their heart/soul to grow the flip up. I mean, really...jealousy is such an ugly trait and if she's jealous which is turning into rude and hurtful (excuse my language, but) SCREW HER! Inappropriate, I know, but you do YOU Kaitlyn. And if she's not A-OK with that, then she can find somebody else to bother.
Sorry... catty girls just get under my skin. It's annoying and unnecessary.
I like this post a lot. I agree that you should just stop following someone's blog if you don't like what they have to say. I have done that. Instead of making negative comments on a post I didn't like, I just stopped following. I wish others would do the same.
Yep - I've unfollowed blogs that didn't interest me or bothered me. It's just a personal preference. There's no need to hurt someone and make yourself look bad in the process (:
I love this post. I am lucky in that I haven't been around long enough (or yet gotten big enough) to have negativity guided towards me (or maybe I have and didn't notice). I love that blogging has brought me so many new friends (even if we may never meet in real life), and even if I never comment on some of the blogs I read, I love reading a ton of blogs from a bunch of people I admire. And I really respect that you even called out your own jealousy here - very brave. <3
Wow. I haven't experienced this on my blog, but I have gotten some not so pleasant comments on a couple of YouTube videos. It's always important that we treat this community like a family. I love all of you ladies! I love watching your videos, reading about your journeys with your husbands and children, and even getting new ideas on how to cook chicken for the 3,000th time for dinner! lol. Stay positive. Stay focused. Stay classy. Stay blessed. xoxo
I'll be your blog friend! lol. I haven't been around long enough to get negatively my way, but I know of other big named bloggers that have and it's just sad.
Overall, great post and well put!
Btw on another note - I LOVE BETH MOORE!! I wish she was my aunt or something...
It's such a blessing to hear words like this from other bloggers and to have a reminder that although there are always a few haters, there are also people like you that are just here to support others. Thanks so much for taking the time to write this. It really is an encouragement.
Thank you so much for this wonderful post! It's so sad, yet so terribly true. It definitely needed to be said, and for that, it seems many of us are thankful! Keep on keepin' on, sista!
Love this post! I wrote about the exact opposite aspect of blogging yesterday, but mainly because my blog is still small and I have yet to experience the things that you talk about above. But I've deifnitely seen them! Girls can be viscous.
You helped me big time about a month ago and I couldn't be more grateful. The things you took the time to type out instructions on how to do, I use on the regular. I mean, I wouldn't have known anything about picmonkey, if it wasn't for you! That would be a travesty :)
No problem girl! That's how I think the blogging community should be...Girls should want to help each other out. That's why I was so disappointed by my heart recently. It's hard to never let yourself get jealous or think negatively, but you should just brush it aside and not give into it! <3
You're a phenomenal young woman. I agree with Erin from Living in Yellow. I'm glad you put this out there. You have ALWAYS returned every tweet, Chat or email. I haven't gotten any nasty comments or tweets (knock on wood) so I don't know what that feels like. Hang in there. You're awesome!
Just don't cry your eyes out when it does (because it will since you are going to be a rockstar)...actually, you can cry for a little while, but then just remember all of us who love you and brush it off!
Oh girl I feel ya. Rude, and especially "anonymously" rude, comments/tweets/emails are just plain hateful. I really don't understand why people take the time to write them, especially to bloggers like you who make it very clear that your desire is to HELP more than it is to GROW. I love Erin's quote though -- it is so easy to get down on myself when I get a rude comment but then I realize hey, they don't even know ME. So why does it even matter! (but at the same time, it does).
I am also glad though that you shared the other side of this too, jealousy. I think anyone who says "the numbers don't matter" is...only partially correct because while they don't, it still is NICE. And it is soooo easy to compare ourselves to others! And on the other hand, to judge others! How is that, that one minute we're feeling insecure and the next minute we're prideful, ya know? I do think it all comes back to sin and that it's not how God created us to be...so that is AWESOME to hear you were challenged by Beth Moore! I've only ever done one of her Bible studies but I heard they are amazing.
Anywayyyy I'll stop the novel now. Just know that I think you're great :)
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who has dealt with this! We should talk!! It's always nice to know you aren't alone. And I LOVE you girls...you are such an encouragement and I love how we all work together (:
I agree, I don't like all the pettiness and jealousy. And the twitter fights, ugh. Just don't read their blog! The only thing I don't agree with, is that I don't think what you're talking about is "bullying" I think people are throwing that word around lately, and real bullying is much more serious than silly blog tiffs. I know people get upset by the comments and such, but I don't think anyone carries that with them throughout their days like people who are truly bullied do. But other than that, agreed!
I didn't want to expand too much in the post since it was so long already, but I have literally seen cliques of girls push out other girls they didn't like. I've seen them bash and embarrass other girls publicly - to thousand of people on twitter or their blogs. That can really hurt someone and is extremely humiliating...like getting bullied in school...on steroids...
I'm still pretty new to blogging and thankfully havent experienced any of this ugliness. I'm so sad to hear that you have. I am certainly thankful that you blog! I love following you. :-)
what a beautiful and honest to the Lord post! I really enjoyed reading this girl! I too have NO tolerance for jealousy and cattiness! We can all be happy for each others growth in our lives and our blogs! I think if more of us blogged for our own personal reasons versus to compete with others reasons... everyone would be a lot happier! Thanks for taking the time to write this! :D and put your thoughts into such eloquent wording! :D Have a wonderful week! : D
Where is the *like* button? Or better yet the {love} button? I honestly am so happy my blog will never be a big one because I would probably have a breakdown if I had negative comments. :(.
thank you for this! You've addresss a hard topic eloquently! I think it's a great reminder about how thankful we should all be to be connected to some many people we would otherwise never meet without our blogs. This is beautiful! You should be proud!
Thanks for sharing! It's saddens me though that I've been seeing posts like this frequently on the blogosphere. I haven't really seen a ton of bashing being done yet or too many rude things said about others, but I know it's out there because of posts like this. It was nice to get a perspective from someone though who is doing the "not so nice" thing and realizing what they did and bring it up to talk about. I would love for my blog to grow too, but I don't want to get so big or so out of hand that I can't connect with my readers and give everyone the same respect they deserve. Hope your heart heals and you are able to let go of the jealousy and truly enjoy that friendship again! Happy Thursday!
You're right about writing this post about jealousy, from both points of view. I guess we all have been guilty of that at some point, the question is what you do when this feeling "attacks" you (out of nowhere, it seems).
I agree with the fact that we ourselves decide whose blog want to follow. What I do find a bit sad is that sometimes you really like a blog, you leave comments, you try to get in touch, and they only respond to comments by "cooler" (aka bigger) blogs. That just sucks and feels a bit high-school-ish. I guess most of us agree that this is just bad manners.
I want to address your comment publicly so others can see this. I have seen this from a lot of girls. I want to say a couple things in the defense of "bigger blogs". I don't work, so I have a lot more time to spend on my blog than a lot of girls do. Even so, replying to 40-50 comments is really hard to do...especially when a lot of girls are no comment-reply bloggers. I can't go to every blog and track down their info. Along the same lines, if a girl comments: "Love it!" or "Great post"....that doesn't really warrant a response in my opinion. Now if girls aske me questions or leave a heartfelt comment, I will always do my best to track them down and respond. If you email me, you will ALWAYS get a response. I just wanted to say that sometimes girls with 3000 followers probably can't physically answer every comment. I don't think they do it to be mean, I just think it's overwhelming and a lot...
There ARE girls who just don't respond because they have ego problems and that is rude. Also, I usually comment back through email so you just might not always see responses. Thanks girl!
There seems to be a lot of that going around lately. I find it mind-boggling that people turn blogging into a competition. Is it nice to be successful and make money? Well, duh, who wouldn't want that. But, I think the majority started blogging for themselves. I don't have a very big blog with very many followers but I have never felt left out by the blogs I follow. I chose to follow blogs that are positive and supportive.
I think I have said this before and I tell this to any of the blogs that I follow- keep writing what you do and have confidence that you might lose a few followers, but you should remain true to yourself, even in the face of negativity.
Thank you! I meant to tell you before that I'm so happy you introduced me to picmonkey (makes my blogging so much easier!). Being a newbie blogger, it's really easy for me to succumb to the feelings of jealousy, wondering if I'll ever be as successful as blogs like yours with a good following and a lot of bloggy friends :) Thanks for being so supportive and for reminding me that we've all started from nothing! Hugs to you!
Hi! You are better than me.. I try to not use my blog to be negative.. but there are times when I just can't take it anymore and say what I think. I had to tell someone the other day that I blog for me.. not other bloggers and while I love all my bloggy friends.. its not what I live or die for. Its ridiculous! Good Luck! I will be back soon with my 30 second vlog! =)) Happy Thursday... and while I think you are doing good with praying and asking God for help.. try giving her a piece of your mind.. and maybe that will set her straight!
Kaitlyn, you really have a way with words. I always appreciate these kinds of posts because it really reminds me to keep my focus on me. Not just in the blogging community, but in other areas of my life as well. It's really easy to be comparative and to get jealous. But that's not what blogging should be about.
Beautifully written. So strong of you to admit your flaws as well. I was expecting this post to be about someone else had let you down through jealousy. Thanks for being so real with us!
I hate that you felt the need to write this but then again, I love that you wrote this because it's heartfelt and true. I, myself, haven't seen any Twitter cat fights or had any rude comments, emails, etc YET but it breaks my heart that you have. I have read your blog for months now, even before I started writing one myself and I love it. I can feel that you truly care about your followers and we've even emailed a few times before. You're too sweet to have felt the need to write this post, to have had any negative comments, tweets, emails be sent to you. I'm truly sorry that someone has felt so low that they have to take it out on such a remarkable young lady like yourself. Please continue staying positive and being yourself, because ladies like me, read your blog for who you are and the honesty that you write about. xo
My church's sermon this week was over jealously. The pastor brought up a really interesting point: most of the time, when people get jealous, it's not about the person but instead they're mad at God for not giving them what they think they deserved. It made me realize that yes, when I get jealous, I'm really just mad at God.
This was a great post and you covered the topic well! I can actually relate to seeing other blogs growing "too fast" (of course that's only my opinion :p). It's hard sometimes for me to see the numbers and not get discouraged. But then I remember what the point is. And I can focus again.
The blog I began previous to Black and White I call the "hater blog" because 1) I had no filter and nothing positive to say about anything. It was a venting place and 2) I got LOTS of hate comments/emails. It KILLED me.
I think the problem with that blog was that I began it out of a selfish desire. It was for ME. To make ME feel better. To encourage ME.
The blog I have now I only started at the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I DID NOT want to do this again and get burned like I had before. But this time has been different. While sometimes I have to remind myself of this, I began my blog to honor God, to be obedient to what He was calling me to do.
The fact is, we all have stories to share that can help and encourage each other. Some of us blog, others speak from a podium. For now, I'm a blogger. Maybe I'll be on a podium one day. ;)
I feel really lucky that I've never gotten a mean comment on my blog. I've certainly seen mean comments on other people's blogs, and I've witnessed the catty twitter drama you're talking about. I even saw one blog post in which the blogger basically RAILED on this other blogger . . . she didn't name her specifically, but she made it VERY CLEAR who she was talking about. Which was so mean.
I like to believe in the good in people, and ultimately I think you're right that jealousy drives a lot of this ugly behavior. In the meantime, I'm going to cling to the good parts of blogging, namely, the wonderful friends I've made.
AWESOME POST! I just had to admit to myself that I a reason I got upset today when I found out about a former colleague making it as a semi-finalist for Teacher of the Year was because I was jealous. It's a tough feeling to admit.
Your blog is awesome and I have loved getting to know during my sponsorship. Keeping being you Kaitlyn!
Such a great post and something that needed to be shared. I've not dealt with this in the blogging world thankfully to the degree you have, but I do get told that I should simply focus on one "thing" instead of a bunch of stuff and that would make my blog really take off. I had started to worry about the numbers for sure after these comments and feeling like my blog was "failing", so it's nice to hear from "bigger" blogs that is really is about sharing and community and NOT a competition. Thankful for your words that our blogs can be WHATEVER we are wanting them to be, and mine is a reflection of all of the facets of my life b/c that's who I am. Needed to read this & the encouragement from it :) Thanks for sharing!
New follower here and I just have to say this is a great post. I have definitely felt the same issues especially recently. My biggest issue is the bigger more popular blogs can (not always) get to the point where they forget where they came from. I see it all the time. They get to a certain point and you can't even get them to respond to you if you are under a certain amount of followers. I've always asked for advice and opinions. Sometimes I get it, sometimes it's like I'm talking to myself. It sucks, but in the end I know who I can go to.
Wow, that was sooo well put! I am a newbie (only 2 months into blogging), but really appreciated this post, as I find myself judging myself or my blog when I see blogging buddies (at my level) "take off"... this helps me realize why I started blogging in the first place, for that sense of community... and you can't have that if you are holding a grudge against other people's accomplishments! Thanks again for your honesty in this post!
I really appreciate how brave and real you were to share your experience with jealousy--I know I've certainly been there before! The best advice I've ever heard was "water your own grass." And it's SO true--when I'm focused on taking care of and making the best of what I have, I'm usually WAY less likely to look over at someone else and think they have it better! It's definitely something, in the end, that I just have to give to the Lord, though! I love, love, love Beth Moore. I have grown so much through her studies!! Are you doing the Siesta scripture memory challenge on her blog?! DO IT!! It's amazing!!!
PS I recently started following your blog and have really enjoyed it--particularly all the blogging advice and how-to! Your instructions just seem to make sense! I used them to spruce up my blog a bit, and I added your button ;) God bless and have a great weekend!
I can attest to the fact that you have never been anything but nice, and definitely reply to emails! You are also one to help another blogger out, since I reached out to you for help and you were so kind and willing to help out another blogger!
I love this, Kaitlyn! It's upsetting to be made fun of or be put down because of something you did. Growing up, I was never the popular kid, so I remember what it's like. I hate that feeling and it's ridiculous to want to hurt someone just because you're jealous. The green eyed monster is NOT cool.
Brilliant post Kaitlyn! I am lucky in that I've never gone through this with my blog, but I have witnessed another blogger being torn to shreds on Twitter and it was absolutely disgraceful. Even though this blogger didn't know me as it was me following her and not vice versa, thankfully it wasn't just me who stuck up for her and politely told the ladies concerned that enough was enough and to back off.
I'm not jealous of anyone's blog success, my blog is my baby. It's unique because it's mine. I post what I want. I know if I ran giveaways, I'd get the numbers shooting up - that's not being derogatory, I am a comper and there are blogs I follow purely because it's been compulsory to be able to enter the competition. If my blog specialised in one thing, I may appeal to a niche group. I'd rather someone find me by chance, or through a blog hop - if they like me, follow me, if not they don't have to, I've followed them because I liked what I saw. They don't have to reciprocate, I won't be offended. Nobody is everybody's cup of tea, at the end of the day, but that doesn't mean people have to be rude, does it?
I am so glad I decided to look through some of the blogs from last weeks blog hop, and found yours. I was just looking to find some nice blogs to follow and get some followers for my blog, but this post really struck a cord with me. I have only been blogging for three weeks but I have seen the twitter bitch fests between other bloggers, who I don't know but have just started following, and I am shocked how they bad mouth other women. So far I have been lucky, although I have had one bitchy comment in a group I am in, basically saying "don't think you know it all" when another blogger, who started the same time as me, commented how quickly I had got 100 followers. I offered her advice, what I do in the blogging community, but said I am a newbie and no expert. I was merely offering advice on what works for me yet this other, bigger, more experienced blogger made a bitchy comment. I made a joke of it and you could tell she was embarrassed by her comment because she then gave me lots of compliments on my blog! Anyway I am sorry for my long and boring comment, like I said this post struck a cord with me. I am going to follow you now on GFC x Angela x
Jealousy sucks. I am experiencing some people jealous of me at work and it is making my life a nightmare. People gotta remember we are adults now!
ReplyDeleteJealousy has ruined many friendships in my life, and although I can't say I've never been jealous of anyone, it wasn't me that ended these friendships. I love this post, and I agree 100% with everything you said. I wholeheartedly believe we need to stop being negative towards one another and support each other. As women. As bloggers. As people.
ReplyDeleteI have no tolerance for catty and jealous women. Life is too short to fill your life with ugly things like that.
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking about this very thing...this morning. I was thinking about all the wonderful blessings my blog has brought to me, but also some of the negatives, too. I started to get discouraged about blogging, thinking that it had made me more insecure or more likely to compare myself to others. Blogging hasn't done that to me. My attitude has, at times. I have never been directly hurtful to others, but negative thoughts have come and jealousy has filled my heart. Thanks for your honesty. I definitely needed to read this post.
ReplyDeleteGreat post...I haven't dealt with negativity (thankfully) but I do understand jealousy and that can eat us up like a cancer...YUCK! I think anyone who reads here will see your heart (your true heart) and if they aren't willing to see that it does stem from jealousy. Praying you can let some of those things roll off your back and trust that you are doing what God has planned for you!!
ReplyDeleteWhile I haven't had to deal with it personally (in the blogging world at least), it makes me so upset to think of people acting like this. No matter how many nice things people say, it's the ones that sting that we remember most. How brave of you to admit the feelings of jealousy - that we ALL get - and make the decision to get rid of it. Kudos to you!
ReplyDeleteJelousy is never a good thing! And we have all been there. I agree 100% with this post. And I do believe we all need to stop with the negativity and support each other. I mean after all.. Aren't we adults people? :) Love your Honesty! :) Have a good day!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I've experienced some hateful comments too and it really sucks when it's your own family that's bullying you! Through it all, I learned not to respond to them because that is what they want. Rise above it and continue on with your life. The hurtful words can only hurt you if you allow them to. Don't let jealously stop you from doing what makes you happy.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing and your blog is amazing! I read it everyday! Jealously is an ugly color and us women do tend to wear it often! Chin up!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately jealousy is something that women and men have a lot of BUT people make a choice whether or not they will submit themselves to it! When it comes to blogging woman like you inspire me not only as a blogger but as a married Christian woman, we need these type of relationships and encouragement! I love your link-ups and the realness! People will be people and that's what I tell myself, you can't change a person you can only pray for them! <3
ReplyDeleteOmg you would love Living Beyond Yourself!! We just talked today about how it's a conscious choice to submit yourself to sin or "the flesh"...so true!
DeleteLove this post!! When I feel envy, I typically swallow it and feel like a failure. But this is wrong too! We should be happy for each other and support one another, without comparing ourselves! P.S.: I'm a big Beth Moore fan too!!
ReplyDeleteI want to do more of her studies! I've been learning so much!!
DeleteHere's to hoping that that person finds it in their heart/soul to grow the flip up. I mean, really...jealousy is such an ugly trait and if she's jealous which is turning into rude and hurtful (excuse my language, but) SCREW HER! Inappropriate, I know, but you do YOU Kaitlyn. And if she's not A-OK with that, then she can find somebody else to bother.
ReplyDeleteSorry... catty girls just get under my skin. It's annoying and unnecessary.
Also, thanks for writing this... it totally needed to be said.
DeleteSmooches to you my biffle (:
DeleteI like this post a lot. I agree that you should just stop following someone's blog if you don't like what they have to say. I have done that. Instead of making negative comments on a post I didn't like, I just stopped following. I wish others would do the same.
ReplyDeleteYep - I've unfollowed blogs that didn't interest me or bothered me. It's just a personal preference. There's no need to hurt someone and make yourself look bad in the process (:
DeleteI love this post. I am lucky in that I haven't been around long enough (or yet gotten big enough) to have negativity guided towards me (or maybe I have and didn't notice). I love that blogging has brought me so many new friends (even if we may never meet in real life), and even if I never comment on some of the blogs I read, I love reading a ton of blogs from a bunch of people I admire. And I really respect that you even called out your own jealousy here - very brave. <3
ReplyDeleteWow. I haven't experienced this on my blog, but I have gotten some not so pleasant comments on a couple of YouTube videos. It's always important that we treat this community like a family. I love all of you ladies! I love watching your videos, reading about your journeys with your husbands and children, and even getting new ideas on how to cook chicken for the 3,000th time for dinner! lol. Stay positive. Stay focused. Stay classy. Stay blessed. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThis post was perfect. I really appreciated reading it. I love your blogging style -I simply enjoy coming to corner of the blog-o-spere.
ReplyDeleteAnd, Beth Moore....she's wonderful! ♥
And, I may need to share my Pinterest fails...I would def. be popular then. Bahahaha -just a giggle.
I'll be your blog friend! lol. I haven't been around long enough to get negatively my way, but I know of other big named bloggers that have and it's just sad.
ReplyDeleteOverall, great post and well put!
Btw on another note - I LOVE BETH MOORE!! I wish she was my aunt or something...
She's hilarious! She has so much spunk for being so little!!!
DeleteThis is so sad, I truly just feel bad for them. All we can do is pray for them, jealousy is a horrible thing!
ReplyDeleteIt's such a blessing to hear words like this from other bloggers and to have a reminder that although there are always a few haters, there are also people like you that are just here to support others. Thanks so much for taking the time to write this. It really is an encouragement.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this wonderful post! It's so sad, yet so terribly true. It definitely needed to be said, and for that, it seems many of us are thankful! Keep on keepin' on, sista!
ReplyDelete:)
xoxo,
Brianna
www.brileigh12.blogspot.com
Love this post! I wrote about the exact opposite aspect of blogging yesterday, but mainly because my blog is still small and I have yet to experience the things that you talk about above. But I've deifnitely seen them! Girls can be viscous.
ReplyDeleteYou helped me big time about a month ago and I couldn't be more grateful. The things you took the time to type out instructions on how to do, I use on the regular. I mean, I wouldn't have known anything about picmonkey, if it wasn't for you! That would be a travesty :)
Thanks, lady!
No problem girl! That's how I think the blogging community should be...Girls should want to help each other out. That's why I was so disappointed by my heart recently. It's hard to never let yourself get jealous or think negatively, but you should just brush it aside and not give into it! <3
DeleteYou're a phenomenal young woman. I agree with Erin from Living in Yellow. I'm glad you put this out there. You have ALWAYS returned every tweet, Chat or email. I haven't gotten any nasty comments or tweets (knock on wood) so I don't know what that feels like. Hang in there. You're awesome!
ReplyDeleteJust don't cry your eyes out when it does (because it will since you are going to be a rockstar)...actually, you can cry for a little while, but then just remember all of us who love you and brush it off!
DeleteI love you!!!
Oh girl I feel ya. Rude, and especially "anonymously" rude, comments/tweets/emails are just plain hateful. I really don't understand why people take the time to write them, especially to bloggers like you who make it very clear that your desire is to HELP more than it is to GROW. I love Erin's quote though -- it is so easy to get down on myself when I get a rude comment but then I realize hey, they don't even know ME. So why does it even matter! (but at the same time, it does).
ReplyDeleteI am also glad though that you shared the other side of this too, jealousy. I think anyone who says "the numbers don't matter" is...only partially correct because while they don't, it still is NICE. And it is soooo easy to compare ourselves to others! And on the other hand, to judge others! How is that, that one minute we're feeling insecure and the next minute we're prideful, ya know? I do think it all comes back to sin and that it's not how God created us to be...so that is AWESOME to hear you were challenged by Beth Moore! I've only ever done one of her Bible studies but I heard they are amazing.
Anywayyyy I'll stop the novel now. Just know that I think you're great :)
Hugs and Kisses to your novel....and it's true...
DeleteI'm glad to see I'm not the only one who has dealt with this! We should talk!! It's always nice to know you aren't alone. And I LOVE you girls...you are such an encouragement and I love how we all work together (:
I agree, I don't like all the pettiness and jealousy. And the twitter fights, ugh. Just don't read their blog!
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I don't agree with, is that I don't think what you're talking about is "bullying" I think people are throwing that word around lately, and real bullying is much more serious than silly blog tiffs. I know people get upset by the comments and such, but I don't think anyone carries that with them throughout their days like people who are truly bullied do.
But other than that, agreed!
I didn't want to expand too much in the post since it was so long already, but I have literally seen cliques of girls push out other girls they didn't like. I've seen them bash and embarrass other girls publicly - to thousand of people on twitter or their blogs. That can really hurt someone and is extremely humiliating...like getting bullied in school...on steroids...
DeleteI'm still pretty new to blogging and thankfully havent experienced any of this ugliness. I'm so sad to hear that you have. I am certainly thankful that you blog! I love following you. :-)
ReplyDeleteTiffany
what a beautiful and honest to the Lord post! I really enjoyed reading this girl! I too have NO tolerance for jealousy and cattiness! We can all be happy for each others growth in our lives and our blogs! I think if more of us blogged for our own personal reasons versus to compete with others reasons... everyone would be a lot happier! Thanks for taking the time to write this! :D and put your thoughts into such eloquent wording! :D Have a wonderful week! : D
ReplyDeleteWhere is the *like* button? Or better yet the {love} button? I honestly am so happy my blog will never be a big one because I would probably have a breakdown if I had negative comments. :(.
ReplyDeleteIt IS really hard to deal with negativity, but you just have to brush it off and focus on the good friends you do have (:
Deletethank you for this! You've addresss a hard topic eloquently! I think it's a great reminder about how thankful we should all be to be connected to some many people we would otherwise never meet without our blogs. This is beautiful! You should be proud!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! It's saddens me though that I've been seeing posts like this frequently on the blogosphere. I haven't really seen a ton of bashing being done yet or too many rude things said about others, but I know it's out there because of posts like this. It was nice to get a perspective from someone though who is doing the "not so nice" thing and realizing what they did and bring it up to talk about. I would love for my blog to grow too, but I don't want to get so big or so out of hand that I can't connect with my readers and give everyone the same respect they deserve. Hope your heart heals and you are able to let go of the jealousy and truly enjoy that friendship again! Happy Thursday!
ReplyDeletePerfectly written. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThis was written so well! Thank you for sharing from your heart
ReplyDeleteYou're right about writing this post about jealousy, from both points of view. I guess we all have been guilty of that at some point, the question is what you do when this feeling "attacks" you (out of nowhere, it seems).
ReplyDeleteI agree with the fact that we ourselves decide whose blog want to follow. What I do find a bit sad is that sometimes you really like a blog, you leave comments, you try to get in touch, and they only respond to comments by "cooler" (aka bigger) blogs. That just sucks and feels a bit high-school-ish. I guess most of us agree that this is just bad manners.
Good idea writing that post!
Hey sweets!
DeleteI want to address your comment publicly so others can see this. I have seen this from a lot of girls. I want to say a couple things in the defense of "bigger blogs". I don't work, so I have a lot more time to spend on my blog than a lot of girls do. Even so, replying to 40-50 comments is really hard to do...especially when a lot of girls are no comment-reply bloggers. I can't go to every blog and track down their info. Along the same lines, if a girl comments: "Love it!" or "Great post"....that doesn't really warrant a response in my opinion. Now if girls aske me questions or leave a heartfelt comment, I will always do my best to track them down and respond. If you email me, you will ALWAYS get a response. I just wanted to say that sometimes girls with 3000 followers probably can't physically answer every comment. I don't think they do it to be mean, I just think it's overwhelming and a lot...
There ARE girls who just don't respond because they have ego problems and that is rude. Also, I usually comment back through email so you just might not always see responses. Thanks girl!
Really have to agree! =) There might be some who are not that interested in mingling, but overall the blogging community is a great place to be!
DeleteThere seems to be a lot of that going around lately. I find it mind-boggling that people turn blogging into a competition. Is it nice to be successful and make money? Well, duh, who wouldn't want that. But, I think the majority started blogging for themselves. I don't have a very big blog with very many followers but I have never felt left out by the blogs I follow. I chose to follow blogs that are positive and supportive.
ReplyDeleteI think I have said this before and I tell this to any of the blogs that I follow- keep writing what you do and have confidence that you might lose a few followers, but you should remain true to yourself, even in the face of negativity.
oh and I kinda still love your blog :) haha
Thank you! I meant to tell you before that I'm so happy you introduced me to picmonkey (makes my blogging so much easier!). Being a newbie blogger, it's really easy for me to succumb to the feelings of jealousy, wondering if I'll ever be as successful as blogs like yours with a good following and a lot of bloggy friends :) Thanks for being so supportive and for reminding me that we've all started from nothing!
ReplyDeleteHugs to you!
Hi! You are better than me.. I try to not use my blog to be negative.. but there are times when I just can't take it anymore and say what I think. I had to tell someone the other day that I blog for me.. not other bloggers and while I love all my bloggy friends.. its not what I live or die for. Its ridiculous! Good Luck! I will be back soon with my 30 second vlog! =)) Happy Thursday... and while I think you are doing good with praying and asking God for help.. try giving her a piece of your mind.. and maybe that will set her straight!
ReplyDeleteKaitlyn, you really have a way with words. I always appreciate these kinds of posts because it really reminds me to keep my focus on me. Not just in the blogging community, but in other areas of my life as well. It's really easy to be comparative and to get jealous. But that's not what blogging should be about.
ReplyDeleteI love your positivity. Keep it up. :)
Beautifully written. So strong of you to admit your flaws as well. I was expecting this post to be about someone else had let you down through jealousy. Thanks for being so real with us!
ReplyDeletexo Shane
I hate that you felt the need to write this but then again, I love that you wrote this because it's heartfelt and true. I, myself, haven't seen any Twitter cat fights or had any rude comments, emails, etc YET but it breaks my heart that you have. I have read your blog for months now, even before I started writing one myself and I love it. I can feel that you truly care about your followers and we've even emailed a few times before. You're too sweet to have felt the need to write this post, to have had any negative comments, tweets, emails be sent to you. I'm truly sorry that someone has felt so low that they have to take it out on such a remarkable young lady like yourself. Please continue staying positive and being yourself, because ladies like me, read your blog for who you are and the honesty that you write about.
ReplyDeletexo
You're one of my most featured on I Wanna Know Posts!!! I love you Becca!!!
DeleteI love this post!!
ReplyDeleteMy church's sermon this week was over jealously. The pastor brought up a really interesting point: most of the time, when people get jealous, it's not about the person but instead they're mad at God for not giving them what they think they deserved. It made me realize that yes, when I get jealous, I'm really just mad at God.
This was a great post and you covered the topic well! I can actually relate to seeing other blogs growing "too fast" (of course that's only my opinion :p). It's hard sometimes for me to see the numbers and not get discouraged. But then I remember what the point is. And I can focus again.
ReplyDeleteThe blog I began previous to Black and White I call the "hater blog" because 1) I had no filter and nothing positive to say about anything. It was a venting place and 2) I got LOTS of hate comments/emails. It KILLED me.
I think the problem with that blog was that I began it out of a selfish desire. It was for ME. To make ME feel better. To encourage ME.
The blog I have now I only started at the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I DID NOT want to do this again and get burned like I had before. But this time has been different. While sometimes I have to remind myself of this, I began my blog to honor God, to be obedient to what He was calling me to do.
The fact is, we all have stories to share that can help and encourage each other. Some of us blog, others speak from a podium. For now, I'm a blogger. Maybe I'll be on a podium one day. ;)
I feel really lucky that I've never gotten a mean comment on my blog. I've certainly seen mean comments on other people's blogs, and I've witnessed the catty twitter drama you're talking about. I even saw one blog post in which the blogger basically RAILED on this other blogger . . . she didn't name her specifically, but she made it VERY CLEAR who she was talking about. Which was so mean.
ReplyDeleteI like to believe in the good in people, and ultimately I think you're right that jealousy drives a lot of this ugly behavior. In the meantime, I'm going to cling to the good parts of blogging, namely, the wonderful friends I've made.
AWESOME POST! I just had to admit to myself that I a reason I got upset today when I found out about a former colleague making it as a semi-finalist for Teacher of the Year was because I was jealous. It's a tough feeling to admit.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is awesome and I have loved getting to know during my sponsorship. Keeping being you Kaitlyn!
Such a great post and something that needed to be shared. I've not dealt with this in the blogging world thankfully to the degree you have, but I do get told that I should simply focus on one "thing" instead of a bunch of stuff and that would make my blog really take off. I had started to worry about the numbers for sure after these comments and feeling like my blog was "failing", so it's nice to hear from "bigger" blogs that is really is about sharing and community and NOT a competition. Thankful for your words that our blogs can be WHATEVER we are wanting them to be, and mine is a reflection of all of the facets of my life b/c that's who I am. Needed to read this & the encouragement from it :) Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteNew follower here and I just have to say this is a great post. I have definitely felt the same issues especially recently. My biggest issue is the bigger more popular blogs can (not always) get to the point where they forget where they came from. I see it all the time. They get to a certain point and you can't even get them to respond to you if you are under a certain amount of followers. I've always asked for advice and opinions. Sometimes I get it, sometimes it's like I'm talking to myself. It sucks, but in the end I know who I can go to.
ReplyDeleteWow, that was sooo well put! I am a newbie (only 2 months into blogging), but really appreciated this post, as I find myself judging myself or my blog when I see blogging buddies (at my level) "take off"... this helps me realize why I started blogging in the first place, for that sense of community... and you can't have that if you are holding a grudge against other people's accomplishments! Thanks again for your honesty in this post!
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate how brave and real you were to share your experience with jealousy--I know I've certainly been there before! The best advice I've ever heard was "water your own grass." And it's SO true--when I'm focused on taking care of and making the best of what I have, I'm usually WAY less likely to look over at someone else and think they have it better! It's definitely something, in the end, that I just have to give to the Lord, though!
ReplyDeleteI love, love, love Beth Moore. I have grown so much through her studies!! Are you doing the Siesta scripture memory challenge on her blog?! DO IT!! It's amazing!!!
PS I recently started following your blog and have really enjoyed it--particularly all the blogging advice and how-to! Your instructions just seem to make sense! I used them to spruce up my blog a bit, and I added your button ;) God bless and have a great weekend!
DeleteI am so sorry that you experienced this. :-(
ReplyDeleteI can attest to the fact that you have never been anything but nice, and definitely reply to emails! You are also one to help another blogger out, since I reached out to you for help and you were so kind and willing to help out another blogger!
ReplyDeleteThanks for that, and for this post!
I love this, Kaitlyn! It's upsetting to be made fun of or be put down because of something you did. Growing up, I was never the popular kid, so I remember what it's like. I hate that feeling and it's ridiculous to want to hurt someone just because you're jealous. The green eyed monster is NOT cool.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant post Kaitlyn! I am lucky in that I've never gone through this with my blog, but I have witnessed another blogger being torn to shreds on Twitter and it was absolutely disgraceful. Even though this blogger didn't know me as it was me following her and not vice versa, thankfully it wasn't just me who stuck up for her and politely told the ladies concerned that enough was enough and to back off.
ReplyDeleteI'm not jealous of anyone's blog success, my blog is my baby. It's unique because it's mine. I post what I want. I know if I ran giveaways, I'd get the numbers shooting up - that's not being derogatory, I am a comper and there are blogs I follow purely because it's been compulsory to be able to enter the competition. If my blog specialised in one thing, I may appeal to a niche group. I'd rather someone find me by chance, or through a blog hop - if they like me, follow me, if not they don't have to, I've followed them because I liked what I saw. They don't have to reciprocate, I won't be offended. Nobody is everybody's cup of tea, at the end of the day, but that doesn't mean people have to be rude, does it?
I am so glad I decided to look through some of the blogs from last weeks blog hop, and found yours. I was just looking to find some nice blogs to follow and get some followers for my blog, but this post really struck a cord with me. I have only been blogging for three weeks but I have seen the twitter bitch fests between other bloggers, who I don't know but have just started following, and I am shocked how they bad mouth other women. So far I have been lucky, although I have had one bitchy comment in a group I am in, basically saying "don't think you know it all" when another blogger, who started the same time as me, commented how quickly I had got 100 followers. I offered her advice, what I do in the blogging community, but said I am a newbie and no expert. I was merely offering advice on what works for me yet this other, bigger, more experienced blogger made a bitchy comment. I made a joke of it and you could tell she was embarrassed by her comment because she then gave me lots of compliments on my blog!
ReplyDeleteAnyway I am sorry for my long and boring comment, like I said this post struck a cord with me. I am going to follow you now on GFC x
Angela x
http://british-bargains-and-beauty.blogspot.co.uk