All My Single Ladies...

Tis the season of love...
In honor of Valentine's Day this week, I wanted to spend some time on the blog for the next few days focusing on this super sappy time of the year.
And to start it off, I wanted to write a post to the girls who probably need it most: All My Single Ladies

Now that Beyonce is full fledge stuck in your head...
The blog world has a funny way of rubbing things in your face and making them extremely magnified. For example, everyone and their mother is pregnant right now. Ask any of my newlywed blog friends - this only heightens your baby fever...
So I am sure to all you fine, sexy single ladies, it seems that everyone and their mother is engaged, planning a wedding or happy newlyweds.
When I was single I didn't have my blog ::thank God:: or I would have been even more down in the dumps about being on the hunt for Mr. Right. What I did have was Facebook - which constantly updated me on every single high school friend who was tying the knot or finding "the one" before I did.
I was sad. lonely. confused. discouraged. My few single friends and I would sit on our couches, wondering what was wrong with us, why we didn't have a fat diamond on our fingers on college graduation day, how had all these blind men not scooped us up???
I even did something that most people don't know about: I joined eHarmony. Yep, no shame there. I met a ton of wonderful guys...but none of them seemed to be perfect for me. I figured I would exhaust all options so I couldn't look back as a 50 year old spinster and say, "What if I would have tried online dating?!" One friend who started Match.com at the same time is getting married this summer and my cousin met her husband-to-be on OkCupid, so online dating can work....it just didn't for me.
So like a total cliche, the very moment I stopped looking for a guy, Ryan and I ran into each other in a bar...wow, exactly NOT how I planned to meet my swoony-knight-in-shining-armor.
But, that's the way life seems to go.
What I want to tell you lovely lady friends today is that the grass is always greener on the other side. While I absolutely LOVE Ryan to the point that it hurts, and you could never pay me enough to go back to being single, there are some awesome things that you lose when you become a married gal.

1: It's harder to make time for your friends

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Yes, this can change when anyone gets into even a dating relationship, but it takes on a whole new level when you get married. Slumber parties at each other's apartment on Friday nights may seem a little strange to your husband, who would be sleeping alone at home. It's more complicated than, "Oh Sally, your boyfriend broke up with you?? Let me come sit at your apartment with you for 3 days while we shovel ice cream into our mouths like there's no tomorrow." You begin to have plans with your darling husband. You may not get to see each other that much during the work week, so you treasure your time together. It's not that you don't love your friends just as much, but playing competition with the man you chose to spend the rest of your life with can more often than not, be a losing battle.
I am not saying that my girlfriends are not a priority in my life - they are - but I think most married women will agree, your husband (and little ones) become your main time focus once you get married and start a family.
Enjoy your time to just love on your bff's and having the freedom to spend 24/7 together.

2: Marriage makes you more "serious"

And for me, I know that was especially true when it came to finances. Yes, I've always saved money, but when I got married, $300 shopping sprees every other week seemed ridiculous. You begin focusing on bigger things: new cars, a house, babies...
In college I would spend money when I wanted. I ate out WAY too much. Oopsies, did I really have a $50 bar tab last night?!?
Don't be financially irresponsible. Don't go into credit card debt. But enjoy the time you have to focus and pamper yourself. You really want an iPad? Work and save up for it! All I'm saying is that your focus changes when it comes to money. I rarely get pedicures anymore. Why waste the money when I can paint them myself and we can save for a cruise for our anniversary instead??

3: Family dynamics can change

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Above is a scene from The Family Stone. It looks like a typical scene from my kitchen at home with my mom and sister. While I would hope that you marry into a family that is loving and accepting of you as a new member, I know that isn't always the case.
I know my family loves Ryan. It's like he has been there since the beginning of time. And even though I joke that to them "He could do no wrong" the dynamics in my family have changed since we got married.
I cried a few weeks before the wedding because it hit me that Ryan was going to be responsible for me from now on. My whole life, if I ever was stuck or needed help, I would call my dad. He just knew everything about everything. I was sad because I wondered if I would still be his little girl. Obviously, I will always be my dad's precious daughter, but marriage changes part of your identity. Your roles change. You aren't just daughter, sister, aunt anymore...You are now wife above everything else.
The biggest change was with my sister. We are closer than close. She is my bestest friend in the whole world.

She and I both had some adjusting to do when I got married. We weren't used to sharing our time together. We are weird as hell. We talk in strange voices, sleep in the same bed as much as possible, have booby-twisting wars...anything to act like we are 5... It's weird that when we get together now I sleep and snuggle with Ryan, not my sisttoorrrr.

While we've been pretty good about the adjustment, I won't lie, Michaela still likes to be oblivious to the fact that she is a third wheel. We call her Dupree. She is always right there, wherever Ryan and I are. Ryan was even kind enough to let her sleep on an air mattress on our bedroom floor the first night she came into town...she got tired of Marcy and quickly moved to the guest room...
So what I am trying to say is that there are so many amazing, wonderful things about marriage. If that is something you truly desire, keep on longing for it! It is the best thing that ever happened to me.
But enjoy your time being single. Don't be sad scrolling through Bloglovin' this week, seeing all these photos of romantical husbands sweeping their ladies off their feet. Your time will come. And when it does, there will be things you miss about your former single self. There's nothing wrong with that. Would I go back to being single? No. But it was a precious time that I wish I would have appreciated more.
Lastly, I just quoted this a few weeks ago, but I think it is a powerful verse,
"Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life."

-1 Corinthians 7:17

Embrace where you are right now: single, married, divorce, widowed....not all of these are easy spots to be in. But where you are right now is in God's will and you should enjoy the time you have in this chapter of your life!!

"I love life. I love being happy. I could sit and watch the ocean go by all day long..."
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