The Grass Is Always Greener

05 June 2014

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Things have been so busy for us. Between managing contractors working on the house, trying to hunt down our household belongings and organizing the items we do have, these past two weeks have been overwhelming. Thankfully, almost all of our stuff FINALLY showed up this week. There were a few things that they still have not found in storage, but 99% of our things are here. We are so grateful to have our belongings back, however a ton of stuff was damaged in storage and the movers who showed up treated our brand new house like junk! (rubbing dirt all over walls and banging into them, making dents and chips).

We are planning to work on repairing everything (Army contracted movers aren't the greatest) and are just looking forward to finally getting settled!

With all of the craziness, a ton of different emotions have surfaced between Ryan and I. Most of theses emotions come out of frustration, but I know that some of them are also very real and legitimate.

I never wanted to move back to Florida. This is something I was very positive about when we first moved here because I was so grateful that Ryan had a job. It IS so nice being close to family, but recently I've been sad about being back. Ryan and I knew that the right decision for our family was to get out of the military - but there are definitely things we miss. The biggest thing is probably the sense of adventure. We moved three times in under two years. While Ryan didn't like the actual moving process, I know we both LOVED exploring new places and living in new states. Facing the fact that we may be in Florida for awhile (my fear is until we are 50!) has been really hard. I also miss the other Army wives I was friends with and also the ease of meeting new people when you moved with the military. There is an instant feeling of connectedness when you join a new unit. You meet other families at Hail & Farewells and you already have so much in common because you are all going through the same things. The same training drills, the same deployments, the same day to day issues. The wives bond over coffee (even if it's us complaining about our husband's terrible work schedules) or we go to different on base events - you find and make friends very quickly if you put yourself out there.

Moving to a place where you don't really know many people anymore is a lot harder when it comes to friends! We are currently searching for a church, which I hope will help us in this area, but in the meantime, where do you really meet new people? We have been blessed to move into a neighborhood that has a ton of community events, so we are excited about going to the next few of those. I am sure things will get a lot better when we aren't focusing 100% of our free time on "house duties", but for the past few weeks, this has been something that has bothered me.

When things go wrong with the house or when we couldn't locate our household goods for four weeks or when I'm lonely and worried about making new friends - that's when I start up the whole "I wish we never moved here! I miss the Army! I want to go back to Colorado or Arizona or Nashville or Atlanta!" And while some of those feelings may be legitimate, I know the majority of them are just fueled by the fear and frustration I am experiencing in the moment. The funny thing is that the grass always seems to be greener on the other side. With the exception of Nashville (that is the BEST place we ever lived and I will always miss it and hope to go back), we would always have a reason we didn't like where we were living...until after we left. We didn't like Arizona because we were in the middle of nowhere and had nothing to do. We didn't like Colorado at times because we were so far away from family. New Jersey was difficult because Ryan was unemployed and it was a terrible winter. And then every time we leave a place we look back on it and miss so many things about our time there. Ryan and I have talked about getting better at cherishing our time in a place - regardless of where we are - because we know that in a few years we will look back and miss those times too. We can't always be focused on what exciting thing we are looking forward to, we need to be excited and happy with the here and now.

My goal is to really accept and believe that "the grass is greener where you water it". Although there are things I miss about parts of the past, I want to completely invest myself into our present. I know this is the best way to find happiness and contentment in the life we are living now and will also help us create beautiful memories during the time we live in Florida (whether that be 5 years or the rest of our lives).


21 comments:

  1. One of my favorite ways to meet people in a new area is to join a local sports rec league. Right now, my fiance and I are playing softball and we absolutely love it! So many wives come to watch their husbands and it is fun getting to know other couples. Good luck and enjoy this moment in your life :)

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  2. I'm sorry things have been hard, but I admire that you have challenged to water your own yard! It's a daily decision!!! I always remember a very similar quote - if you think the grass is greener on the other side, then water your own lawn! Hope you find peace, contentment, and joy where you are and the Lord will reveal those reasons He has you there! There is purpose and calling for you in Florida!

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  3. I can relate to this so much! I'm really excited about moving closer to family, but also worried that it's going to get old quick. Making friends as an adult can be difficult, and I know that's definitely something that will be an issue for me after we move. We will definitely have to get together for some play dates! Why area did y'all move to?

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  4. That is my biggest fear, now that we're getting out in 3 months. It's TERRIFYING that we won't have a squadron wherever we end up, but we'll still be 2000 miles from family because he's an airline pilot and we have to move where he's domiciled. Let me know if you figure out where to meet people... Goodness knows I'm wondering the same thing!

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  5. Oh, I can so relate to this post. Thank you so much for sharing. It is hard to meet new people when you move. I've found that church seems to be one of the best ways to meet and make new friends. Although, sometimes even that is difficult. We moved in August and I find myself too often looking back at what we had in Louisville and missing it and wanting to move back, but those are times when I realize just how lonely I am and wishing I could just go have some coffee with a friend. Moving is hard. Hopefully you are able to find a good church and make friends there! It is so true, the grass is always greener... I like the added, "where you water it". That's what I need to be doing here! :)

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  6. Stephanie SnyderJune 5, 2014 at 12:54 PM

    I met and made friends with a great group of girls by going to classes at my gym. I used to be anti-Zumba, but it was at the Zumba class that I met the most friends, and ended up getting very close to the instructor and a couple other ladies that I ended up spending time with outside of the gym. You also may want to look into Junior League, if you are interested in volunteering and helping out the community. There should be a local league and all of the ladies I have met in Junior League have been amazing resources for friendship, networking, and community involvement. :)

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  7. As a lifelong Army brat moving from place to place and then eventual Army wife I completely understand what you're going through. My husband got out of the Army last summer and we moved to Florida to "settle down." It's not something I know and outside of college and jobs I don't ' know how to make friends either. I'm in a very lonely stage of life too. If you're near the Tampa area I'd love to get together for a coffee blate or a beach hang out.

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  8. You are consistently transparent, and that is so inspiring to me and to so many others. Thanks for that, sweet friend. Hugging you. xx

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  9. When we first moved to Atlanta we made a great group of friends through joining a kickball league! We were also lucky to have many friends from college here. I want to move back to Savannah so bad though to be close to family and the beach, but I'm sure when we do we will miss our friends here. Now I'm struggling to figure out how to meet other stay at home moms here though (as far as I know there are no others in Atlanta). We are going to try joining a small group for parents of infants in the fall at church, and I'm going to try a new mommy and me yoga class next week. I've also looked into groups in the area for moms that may have similar interests as me on meetup,com, and have considered trying local babywearing international and la leche league meetings. You might also have a local library that has events for babies where you could meet people!

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  10. SO TRUE! My bf and I have been talking about this a lot recently, too. We keep moving around but once we get somewhere cool, we always talk about how much we miss whatever place we were just in! We need to remember how amazing the place we are in NOW is- stop comparing it to other stuff!

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  11. I've been struggling with my job...and there are plenty of reasons to sit around and complain about why things aren't better. But I've been trying to live really hard by my new motto "If I can't change my situation, I have to change my attitude about it." Seems like this might fit your situation too!

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  12. The grass always does seem greener. We are in a similar situation that you were in before moving to Florida. We moved (back home) to Colorado after living away in Vegas for 6 years. My husband is still unemployed going on 3 months... but we are happy to be close to family and surprisingly still optimistic. Although that comes in waves... I'm sure you know how that goes. Hoping to find my own little community of friends once he gets a job and we know which town we are settling in. I'll pray for you on your journey! Hope you find some new Mommy friends to relate to soon :)

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  13. I feel this way about our time in Pennsylvania. When we were getting ready to leave, I was so glad to get the heck out of there. But, I definitely have days when I miss it and can't believe that I'm back in my college town. However, we have made so much more of a life here than I could've ever imagined. Hopefully Florida will be that way for you!

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  14. We moved a lot growing up and we once had a pastor mention that the thing he loved about our family was that we not only dove in quick, but we dove deep. I think that is critical in getting to really know people. You have to take the same military mindset and apply it to every new person you have the chance to meet. You can do it :)

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  15. This is exactly how I was feeling. Moving to Missouri has been really hard on me. I was not super excited about the church my in laws attend and I have made zero friends. We still aren't on our own and I keep telling my husband how much better Alabama or California is. I just wanted to go back and that would fix all my problems. BUT I can't and so I need to find the good here and not be miserable. Enjoy the moments. Choose joy. It doesn't help our marriage either if I am always complaining about a decision that we made to better our family.

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  16. I can definitely relate to mentally moving out of a place before you're even moved in! It takes a special focus on loving the present and it sounds like y'all are on the right track. I hope y'all are soon settled and hopefully exploring and befriending!

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  17. I agree with another comment below, joining a sports team really helps in the friend department; and if it doesn't, it gives you something fun to do. Finding a local church will hopefully help you to find some friends as well. Overall, just being outgoing in general is extremely helpful. A lot of people are more shy than you give them credit for (even the ones you perceive as "outgoing") and making the first move towards friendship is oftentimes exactly what is needed to bring them out of their shells.
    You'll be fine, I'm sure! :) Just show off Rilynn and everyone will be drawn to how adorable she is! :)

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  18. I agree with this post 100%! My husbands in the Coast Guard and we always miss the place we just left once we move somewhere new. It's so hard to meet new people because we don't live on a base. We also lived in Nashville, but lived south of town and we loved it! If we could live anywhere, that's where we'd live hands down! Pray you can find an awesome church family and make new friends!

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  19. I feel ya, friend! Anytime I start feeling lonely and too far away (physically) from my friends, my mood definitely goes sour in a hurry. We've met so many good friends through our church, so I hope you're able to find that community you're seeking!

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  20. We moved shortly after I had my first, and I have to say--making friends as a mom is waaaay different!! I actually randomly got connected with mom's meet up group, and that really helped. You can look for groups on meetup.com or just google for moms groups in the area. That, and just walking the halls at church with babies...thats how I've found my friends :)

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  21. ​That's not far from us! We can set up a blate!

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